long time, no talk.

well, folks, it has been light years since i embarked on the blog journey. i have decided due to the fact my complete world has fell apart in the last four months, maybe i should have something to say about it.

i guess we should start at the beginning.

on monday, december 14, 2009, my life significantly changed. i have been through many changes in my life. some good. some bad. some okay. some awesome. i have never been through anything life this.

on monday, december 14, 2009, my meme died. she was my grandmother, my second mother, my rock, the person who taught me how to love, the person who taught me how to love Jesus, the person who has always supported me in her own way, the person who called me "lele."

now, i have lost others before. and sadly, it was devastating. but, i believe this was different. meme was not sick. she wasn't a home body or bed-ridden. she didn't have a walker or suffered from some extreme ailment. meme was the healthiest 83 year old woman i knew.

on monday, december 14, 2009, was the day she took her last breath. she had awoken at the usual time of 4:45 a.m. (i said a.m.--you know those ole' folks), and she was preparing to go to the galleria to meet her walking buddies. meme was a quite popular lady. she had many friends, and i think i get my socialite bug from her.

as she was about to begin her morning, meme had a stroke. she was gone instantly. she felt nothing. nothing. but she was immediately in the presence of singing. in the presence of her Father. she was and is singing. she is running, walking, praising Jesus.

now, as beautiful as the image of meme being with Jesus is, i have struggled daily to accept her not being in my life.

i was not ready. my family was not ready. i am still not ready.

i know i am selfish. i'm okay with that.

i know this was the way meme would have wanted to end her life. with zero suffering. no pain. no sadness. she had no clue.

i wonder if i lived my life as if i had no clue. if i no clue that i might be immediately in presence of Jesus. would i change the way i lived. i hope so.

this is what the new blog is about. living till i don't live anymore.

as some may recall i have changed the title to "bomb in a birdcage." just know this is how i feel on a daily basis, good and bad. i don't fear the bomb. i might even be the bomb.

i will revisit meme's death on another date. this is all i would like to share at the moment.

may you and i come to see the beauty in living each moment...